New Beginnings

I did it, as of Monday May 12, 2014 I resigned from my job to be a full-time SAHM (stay at home mom). It was an extremely difficult decision, but I'm ready to embrace the challenge.

When Matt and I first got married, we decided that once we started our family I would stay home. At first I was opposed to the idea, determined to do it all. My mom did it and I turned out fine, so I wanted to do it too. But after some coaxing I relented, he made some good points (that happens sometimes lol). Fast forward to last year when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstastic, but very aware that staying home wasn't an option. But I wasn't worried I had a plan, and I could handle it...

But in actuality I wasn't ready, the minute she was born seemed like a countdown to going back to work. But I tried to enjoy the two and a half months I had with her. Yet the time seem to be slipping away so fast. I begin to panic about going back to work, and since I had not chosen a daycare cause I was on bed rest a month before she was born, I was in a bit of a bind. I had visited one daycare before my leave. While I had researched what to ask and what to look for. I would have not thought to ask how much my baby would be held. How fast her needs would be met, what they would do it she was fussy or just in need of a loving touch. Thinking about it I doubt any answer would have been good enough. And to top it all off the idea of leaving her with perfect strangers was not sitting well. Plus I would be spending $200+ to cross the bridge to Jersey, $450+ in gas, and $1200 for daycare. I was basically giving my up my paycheck to work and have someone else watch my child. And while I really liked my job, it wasn't worth it. 

Most importantly what I didn't realize and wasn't prepared for the extreme emotions, and intense feelings, that come with having a baby. The moment she entered the world my feelings changed. She became the most important thing to me. She depends on me (us) for everything…and i wouldn't have it any other way. I love holding her while she sleeps, when our eyes lock during feeds, being there when she cries out. I just couldn't imagine missing these precious moments. Work will always be there, but she'll only be this small once. And while at times I'm still not sure if I can afford it or if I'll regret it later, I'm truly blessed, and content, to be here with her
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