No light at the end of the tunnel...

I write because it's therapeutic...I feel free and uninhibited. Free to say and just be me. So the first thing I will say today in my freedom of speech is...I am not an island. No man is an island...a lesson I am slowing learning and will hopefully some day soon start to accept. To know me is to know I can talk...and talk...and talk...and I ask tons of questions. Lately, I've been the polar opposite because I am nervous to reveal how I'm really feeling. I guess it's hard for me to accept my true feelings, so I feel like others definitely won't understand either.

But the truth is I've been struggling...with what? I'm not exactly sure, most of my feelings are not concrete nor do they have much rhythm or rhyme. Which further complicates things...but they creating a strong hold on me that is taking me to the point of no return. My views on things are changing and causing a shift in my attitude. An attitude at times I am not proud of. I feel quite lost and at times quite alone. And that dear friends is the truth as I know it.

I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and most days I feel like I am drowning, but this is the time when my faith must shine through...And I should know that God has been and will be a very present help in trouble. My despair comes from the fact that I see no way out from this situation, but knowing that I am not the one steering the ship is comforting in times like these. Days like these contentment seem so far away, but I will not stop searching.